EingeNel In Action

Tonight, I’d like you to close your eyes. Imagine that you are inside your dream house. It could be the two-storey house that you’ve always dreamt of as a child. Or that wide space condo unit that you’ve wanted to have.  It could be homey, with the scent of family and newly-baked cookies. Or it could be that high tech posh space with Plasma TV and high-end technology. It’s your choice. It’s your dream house. You go to the living room and admire your surroundings. You go to the kitchen and see a bounty of food prepared to satiate your hunger.  And then you go decide to go outside to breathe some fresh air, you open the door. Now, kindly open your eyes. You open your eyes and you see this.  (show picture of mountainous garbage)

This is what’s outside your dream house— a mountainous collection of garbage. The stench will mingle with the flavorful smell of your food. The stinky liquid will seep into your front door and creep into your living room.   Soon, it will be crawling into your house as the volume increases and your dream house transforms into a nightmare.

Dramatic isn’t it? But it can happen, you know. And it has happened.  Real people have woken up next to wastelands.  You could be next.

So what can we do prevent this? What else, but RECYCLE!

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. Too corny. Too much effort. Too stressful. Not really.  You don’t need to go to extremes and make your own compost pit or re-use toilet paper.  What I’m going to give you are simple tips in recycling that even your 6-year brother or sister can easily follow.

There are two ways of recycling — R & R.

One is to re-sell and the other is re-use.

Let’s talk about what items you can re-sell. Resell, because the item is sold once and you’re selling it again, although it’s not at its orginal state.  Well, when you look at your own place, there could be a lot of things to sell – old newspapers, magazines and bottles. There are shops that buy broken appliances.   When you sell, you not only help reduce the garbage but you earn money too. If you feel generous, you can go the extra mile and donate your old clothes, shoes or bags to Salvation Army or any charitable organization. I believe there are lots of old folk’s homes here.

So what happens to these items when you sell them? They are refurbished to make it into something useful again.  Empty glass bottles and jars can be recycled to make things like decorative paving and aggregate for asphalt or swimming pool filters, as well as new glass jars and bottles. Newspapers are recycled into paperboard, new newsprint, insulation and animal bedding products. Empty aluminium drink cans are sent overseas for recycling and can be recycled again and again. Recycled aluminium cans are sorted, crushed and baled into "bricks" for transporting. These bricks are fed into a hot furnace where the aluminium melts and the melted aluminium is then cast into smaller ingots which are processed into new aluminium cans. Steel cans that have contained anything from baked beans to fruit cocktail, pet food or soup can be recycled to make new cars and bridges

The other way to recycle is to re-use these items yourself.
In the office, when you print, try printing front and back. If it cant be help, you can use the unprinted back portion for scribbling notes.  You can be a little creative and turn it into a new notebook.   When you order dinner, you can wash and re-use the plastic containers for your take away food.

When shopping, you will have several plastic bags. If you can use just one big bag, do so. Otherwise, keep all the plastic bags and use as to cover your rubbish bins.  I will show you an easy way of folding your plastic bags so that you can keep them in an orderly manner.

First, flatten the bag. Fold it in half lengthwise. Fold it again. Then fold the edge into a small triangle until it reaches the edge. Then clip the last fold so that it won’t get lose. There, just like that.

Now, you know how to fold your shopping bags. It just takes less than one minute!

Following either of the two ways to recycle is your choice. It’s simple to remember… To recycle, just R and R.. Resell or Re- use. You can follow choose to re-sell or re-use. It could even be your choice to continue with your wasteful ways and opt not recycle.  But I tell you, don’t blame me, if one day, you open the door of your house and a pile of garbage come rolling down to your face.  Your dream house can really turn into a nightmare. So better do something about it now, before it’s too late…

Do you feel your heart beat faster when you see this 4-letter word plastered on shop windows? Do you feel nauseous around October during the nationwide Mega sale?

Then, be prepared. You might be suffering from the same disease that I have. The clinical term for this disease is Compulsive Shopping Addiction or Shopaholism and the one who has acquired this disease is called a “Shopaholic”.

Yes, I am a Shopaholic. I am at a stage where I am battling with this disease and hopefully, eventually, be cured of it.

But first, how do you know if you are a Shopaholic?

There are several criteria in determining if you have Shopaholism.  In the US, patients undergo several interviews and even go through hypnosis to determine what stage in the disease.  Basically, there are the 10 questions that you must ask yourself.  1 or 2 Yeses are still acceptable for a normal shopper. 3–5 is already a case of mild Shopaholism. 6 onwards is a cause for alarm.

1. Do you shop when you are upset or depressed?

2. Do you buy things you don’t really need?

3. Do you have multiple credit cards with high outstanding amounts?

4. Do you feel excited when shopping, but depressed or anxious at a later point.

5. Do you have many unopened and unused items at home?

6. Do you lie about the amount of money you have spent?

7. Do you continue to shop even if you are in debt?

8. Have your shopping sprees caused issues in your relationships?

9. Do you think often about money and shopping?

10. Do you feel that your shopping has become out of control?

I took the test myself and found that I have answered Yes to 4 questions. Sadly and reluctantly, I have to accept that I am inflicted with this disease.

I only discovered that I had this disease when I came across Sophie Kinsella’s novel, Confessions of a Shopaholic. I related so much with the character that I began to reflect on whether I had the same problem.  It bothered me so much so I logged on the Internet to search on Shopaholism. Never did I expect to find such information!

A group of doctors from Stanford University is doing a study on how many are suffering from this disease.  Shopaholism is clinically defined as a psychological disease "motivated by ‘irresistible’ impulses, characterized by spending that is excessive and inappropriate, has harmful consequences for the individual, and tends to be chronic and stereotyped."  Compulsive shoppers "binge buy" — most often clothes, shoes, makeup, and jewelry — and then suffer intense guilt. That, in turn, helps trigger another frenzied trip to the mall, and the cycle continues.

The study came up with the statistics that one out of 20 is suffering from this disease.  You might think that it only afflicts women, but no, there are several reported cases of men Shopaholics. If women concentrate on clothes, shoes, jewelries and fashion accessories, men shopaholics tend to buy CD’s, car accessories, electronics and other gadgets.

But you may ask, so what if I am a Shopaholic? As long as I have money to buy, then it’s my problem right? I tell you, it’s not as simple as that. There was a time that I had to think of side businesses to keep up with my shopping habits. It brought out the entrepreneur in me but I was stressed out.  There have also been reported cases of broken marriages due to Shopaholism. One patient got fired from her job because she spent most of her time doing online shopping. There are other people who neglect their children and park them in the mall constantly because that is what they need to feed their habit.

In my case, our marriage was threatened by this compulsion. My husband often scolded me before for shopping too much. There’s this formula that I use when he asks me about how much I spent shopping. It’s the Actual Price divided by two times the current inflation rate. Let’s just say that the price is sheer fiction. Even now, I am occupying 2/3 of the whole kitchen since I had lots of supply. Some ingredients are near expiration date, as I never get to use them.  There was a time I had a compulsion to shop for matching items. I wanted to follow the Matching Principle, you see. It means my blouse should match my pants and my bag should match the color of my belt and shoes. When I was in the Philippines, I had a whole cupboard full of matching items and it was a dilemma for me on how to bring everything here.  I ended up having excess baggage. 

Studies are still being done to find out the root cause of this disease.  Some say it is triggered by depression. Some say it is due to environment we live in.  For me, I think it is hereditary. My mom is an even worse Shopaholic than I am. When she buys clothes, she buys 5 of the same item in different colors.  When I was little, we went grocery shopping every week—and we buy the same items every time. No wonder, at one time, we had 20 cans of sardines and 10 bags of sugar. I grew up in that environment, thinking that buying like that was normal.

It is only now that I realize that it is a problem. My mom is now facing some financial problems as her income has not been able to cope with her spending.  I am scared that I might face the same problem one day. When she had to part with her belongings, she was able to raise a big amount of money. She was able to fill up a whole warehouse with her belongings.  I realize that I don’t want to reach that kind of stage someday, where I have to part with my wonderful things because I am broke.

So what should we Shopaholics do to be cured of this disease? 

Well, there are some simple steps to follow:

(1) Get rid of your credit cards, checkbooks, and ATM cards before you go shopping. Use only cash.

(2) If you spot something that you would like to purchase, never allow yourself to purchase it on the spot. Instead, walk away and give yourself a “mandatory waiting period” (or if you must– ask the store to hold it for you. Most stores will hold items for their customers for at least a day). If you still want the item in a few days, then you can go back and make your thought-out purchase.

(3) Make a budget and put it on paper. Give yourself some “mad money” for each month, and do not allow yourself to purchase anything that is not in the budget.

(4) Write down everything you purchase for two weeks; groceries, gas for your car, the electric bill, and even that candy bar from the vending machine! This will make your more conscience of where your hard-earned dollars are going. Being more aware of your spending will also make your more in control.

(5) If you are overwhelmed with debt, contact a credit-counseling agency. There are several non-profit organizations whose goal is to get your out of debt. They will help you consolidate your bills into a smaller monthly payment, and get your credit report in good standing once more.

If you are suffering from a serious case, then you can go to a doctor and he might prescribe you with inhibitor drugs such as Prozac. Yes, there are even drugs for this disease now.  It is that serious.

So, are you going to be the next Imelda Marcos with her 3,000 pairs of shoes or Princess Diana with her large collection of clothes?  Have you even admitted to yourself that you are a potential Shopaholic? Decide now before it’s too late…

Have you ever felt insignificant in your life?  Ever had the feeling that you don’t exist? That what you do doesn’t matter at all?  Don’t fret. Everybody has felt this at one point in his life. As a human being, it is in our nature to toil with thoughts of insignificance throughout life. 

I had the same thoughts when I joined Scope a year ago. I had no friends. I knew nobody. And I was stationed in Menara Axis where there were no Filipinos at all.  My work didn’t make me feel any better. I was working as a temporary administrator – which is just another word for a gofer. Go for this. Go for that. Email this. Email that.  I was working as that because I had no choice.  I had to or my husband and I would have nothing to eat – literally. It was the time when he got into an accident and he had to stop work and depend on me for a while. I felt so insignificant, so small since I couldn’t do anything more.  My CV didn’t matter anymore. It didn’t matter that I was a Project Manager in my previous company or that I used to negotiate deals with executives from foreign banks.  I could step no further. I was given this simple job and I had to do it right. But oh, I felt so small.

I felt depressed. I had so little things to do then. I finished doing all those administrative tasks and don’t have anything to do so I surfed the Internet and came across this story. It was a story that changed my view on lowly jobs. It goes like this:

One day the different parts of the body were having an argument about which should be in charge.
The brain said "I do all the thinking so I’m the most important and I should be in charge."
The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I’m the most important and I should be in charge."
The hands said "Without me we wouldn’t be able to pick anything up or move anything. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge."
The stomach said "I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we’d starve. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge."
The legs said "Without me we wouldn’t be able to move anywhere. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge."
Then the rectum, or that little hole in the ass, said, "I think I should be in charge."  All the rest of the parts said "YOU?!?  You don’t do anything!  You’re not important! You can’t be in charge."
So the rectum closed up.  After a few days, the legs were all wobbly, the stomach was all queasy, the hands were all shaky, the eyes were all watery, and the brain was all cloudy. They all agreed that they couldn’t take any more of this and agreed to put the rectum in charge.
The moral of the story?  There’s no such thing as an insignificant role. Everybody has a part to play in this grand thing we call life. I looked at my job differently then. So what if I did nothing from 9 to 6 but forward emails? So what? It was still a job that was delegated to me and I had to do my best. I believe that outlook has paved the way for where I am now. My supervisor then saw my potential and recommended me to RLS. In RLS, I also started that way. I did nothing but log problems, do minutes of meeting and attendance. It didn’t matter to me. It was a job that I have to do and I had to give my best. I didn’t think much of the fact that I was underemployed and underpaid. I was still in a stage that I had to prove myself to them. This year, they had renewed me and gave me more responsibility. I believe I have garnered their trust and confidence—enough for them to make me RLS’ sole business analyst.  I have made friends within the team. I had made friends with other Filipinos as well. I can proudly say I don’t feel I’m insignificant now. But I would have never reached this place if I had dwelt on my feeling of insecurities and insignificance a year ago. This is what I want to share with you all. It is alright to feel insignificant, it is natural, even. But what is not right, is to let this affect how you work and how you deal with others. Honestly, I still have these feelings sometimes. It is a fact that I am a businessperson trying to survive in the world of programmers. But so what?   So what if like the ass hole, we do the dirty stuff? Do you think we will survive if our cleaning ladies didn’t attend to our toilets? How do you think the city will survive without the garbage collectors and septic tank companies?
Just think about this. No matter what kind of work you do. It matters. It really does.

Tonight, I’d like to talk about something Universal. It goes beyond race, age educational background or social class. It’s this little thing that we call Love.

Now there are several types of love. You have the love between a mother and child. Love between siblings. Love between friends. And the most interesting of all, is the love between a guy and a girl. It is so interesting that almost everything refers to it— Movies, music, paintings and books.  Since it’s such a broad topic, I’d like to narrow it down by talking about the fun stuff—the love between a guy and a girl before they jump into marriage.

You see, I have a hobby of observing people.  In my previous speech, I mentioned about reading signatures. I even mentioned about fortune telling. Well, now, I’m sharing with you my discoveries after observing the people around me who have been struck by cupid’s arrow. 

It doesn’t matter if you’re sweet sixteen or near-death ninety. When you fall in love, you just fall—whether there’s someone to catch you or not. But of course, everybody in this room will agree with me, that it’s better to fall with somebody who has fallen for you as well.  So let’s talk about that, love that’s mutual.

From my past experiences and from my observance of friends and family around me, I have concluded that there are five stages of love between a guy and a girl before they get married.

Let’s start with the first stage, Stage “F” or Friends. Of course, there’s always love at first sight but even then you still have to get to know the person first, right? So you start off being friends. It could be a sincere act of wanting to be friends or maybe you already have the hots for the guy but it’s always the first step to “reach” that person. You go out with a group of friends, enjoy common hobbies and interests and eventually get to know each other. Now, if you both like what you see, you start opening to each other more—share problems, dreams and fears. You begin to take special care of that person and put him in a higher position than your other friends.

Then you advance to the second stage, “SF” or Special Friends. Special Friends are those who care for each other more than they mean or want to.  You tend to do things with out thinking first. This is the scariest stage since you don’t know whether what you’re feeling is friend love or that other kind of love. This is the stage where most friendships fail since the love is unrequited. But let’s not talk about sad things. Let’s say the feeling is mutual but you just don’t know that it’s there. At this day and age, guys are not the only one who can make the first move. We girls can do it too but be careful that you don’t put the guy off or you’ll never get to the succeeding stages. We girls can subtly make moves where you can persuade the guy to make the first moves. It’s part of our charms. I’ve seen my girl friends do such things and I think I have done some moves in my younger years too. But be very careful. We girls should never assume. This has been the downfall of some, because they assumed the guy liked them. You see, you can never say a guy likes you UNLESS he says it in front of you. Now, once one of you drops hints of liking the other, then you can openly talk about it. But the thing is, you are not sure just yet. I mean, it could possibly be that you’re always together and you’ll naturally feel attached.

So you both go on to the next stage – “SO”.  Secret On or commonly known as MU- Mutual Understanding. It’s the stage where you are sure that you’re not just friends but you’re not quite sure if you’re ready for a commitment. So you decide to keep it to yourselves so that it’s not that embarrassing if you break it off after a week or so. This is the stage where you feel oh so lovey-dovey but can’t tell anyone yet since you promised each other not to. This is the discovery stage too, where you sort out your feelings on whether you wish to proceed to the next level which is “ON”.

“ON” is the stage where you go steady. Here, you can shout out to the rest of the world that he is your guy and you’re his girl. You can go HHWWSST – which is short for Holding Hand While Walking Swaying Swaying Too.  In this stage, you are the apple of his eye and your world will probably revolve around him.  This is the stage where you feel high or drugged, where you are oblivious to the things happening around you and you feel like you’re floating in mid-air. This is where your face glows and you feel more beautiful than ever. You’re wearing an expression that says “I AM IN LOVE and I’m the luckiest girl or guy in the world.” 

You continue on like this for a couple of weeks, even months but reality sets in and it’s time for you to decide whether you wish to advance to the next level which is SR– “Serious Relationship.” This is the stage where you see your partner as a real person.  Time is a key ingredient in this stage.  By time, I don’t mean just quantity but quality as well. It doesn’t count that you’ve been steady for ten years but you just see each other once a year. In this stage, your partner steps down from that pedestal you put him in and you see him as who he or she really is. You either find out that his feet smells or that she spends five hours in a salon.  Here, you get a reality check and contemplate on whether you are ready to spend the rest of your nights sleepless beside a guy who snores or with a girl whose mother you cannot stand.

It is in this stage where you ask yourself, are you ready to take the plunge to marital vows? If you are, then good luck! There is still a lot of stages in marital life and all those rings – engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering, boring. But that’s another story altogether. But it could be also in this stage that you realize that he or she is not the “One” and that you can’t go on with the SR stage. And so you break if off. If this happens, you’re back in Stage 1. And the cycle continues.

Now, you ask me, what is the relevance of knowing all these stages? Well, knowing these stages can help you in your current or future relationships. With this knowledge, you can identify what stage you are in and if you are ready to move on to the next level or not. But don’t take these stages seriously since they’re not clear cut. Some relationships skip all stages 1-4 and just jump to Stage 5 and succeed. Some relationships go through all stages and in the end back to stage 1 with somebody else.

I am no expert. I am just someone who have gone through these five stages — enjoyed them  and survived.  So, I ask you, what stage are you in now?